First Day of Preschool

Things went well for Alyssa's first day. It was a shorter day then normal. The parents had orientation while there kids got to know the other kids and teacher's. Alyssa will go to school twice a week on Tuesday and Thursdays from 9: 00 am to 11:15 am. I can't wait and she is also very exited. They go on field trips once a month, her first school pictures, they have fall and winter parties, snakes everyday, and more. There also is another little girl in her class named Alyssa. Alyssa's teacher is Kayla (Haab's) mom I went school with Kayla which is nice because I

already knew Maureen some.

Donated Blood

I went had donated blood yesterday. Something that I used to do every 8 weeks, but I haven't in a long time. There were a few people donating platelets. I for one have never done it, it takes 2 hours. They take your blood and separate the platelets and then put your red blood cells back in you. I made another appointment to go back in 8 weeks to donate blood again and then after that I will start donating platelets. You can donate platelets every 3 days 26 times a year. Chad's mom took the girls and spent the evening with while and went and got this done. So my drive home I was alone and it was very quite. I lost it, I broke down something that I hadn't done since Friday. Before it turn into a panic attack I called Heather and she help clam me down. I miss Ali more then I can explain, more then I ever imagine I would. I also didn't try to think about it a lot until those last 17 days. I knew that I needed to prepare myself for the worst. I also tried to positive for her but I did have my break downs in front of her and she was okay with it. There's a lot now that I wish I would of told her but I knew that couldn't. I didn't want her to think that I wasn't thinking positive anymore. I just hope that she knows that she was and still is important to me.
Alyssa has been asking a lot of questions about Ali still. She made her a picture yesterday and ask for an envelope and a stamp. I asked her why she said so she could mail it to Ali in Heaven. She then said how will she get it will she come down and get it. I told her no they have mail man and mail lady angels up there. She then said mommy when can I go to Heaven I said when God says it's your turn. She left it at that, I was called that she didn't ask when it would be her turn because I was about to break down through all that she was asking.
Chastity talks to Ali and blows her kisses up to the sky. She still calls Paisley Auntie Ali and Tom Thumb kitty. She also has learned to do a little meow and it sounds just like a kitty.
Chad has been my stone, my heart, and my strength through all of this. He has help with anything that I need, he's been there and done it. This has made our relationship strong, and has made us look at everything in life different.
I have been feeling better every since Saturday, I had a really good talk with Chad Friday night and explain to him that I needed help from stopping myself from keeping distance from him and the girls. I also have made appointment to start Therapy again, I haven't been in almost two months. Life has to go, it has to go back to normal but what is normal these days? Will it ever be normal or the same ever again?

Sum of the weekend and Monday

Chastity and Micah swimming. Chastity and Landen on the tube.

Chad playiong corn. hole Alyssa swimming and Katy and I.

Friday was just a day of hanging out and getting Alyssa ready for preschool. She can spell her whole name now. She was having problem with the "N" in RENE she would call it "M". But I taught her a little trick that if you turn a "M" upside down and draw a line across the top then it will make a triangle. We also had our weekly trip to Wal-Mart,I talk about that in my last blog. Saturday was family day and no TV all day. We spent the day out on the lake, going on boat rides, and swimming at the sandbar. Later in the evening Laramie (Chad's niece) came down and spent the night.

Sunday we spent the whole day at the lake with Katy and family. We played corn hole, laid out, swimming, and cooking out. It was really hot out but there's only so many days left before we have to be inside for months. I hope this winter wont be so cold so we can do family things outside. We also went and got Chad's other niece Olivia and she stay the night with Laramie.

Monday we all got up at 7:00am to get the girls ready to take them to Goshen for school. Alyssa woke at 6:30am so no big deal for her but we had to wake Chastity up. Got the girls to school on time and then we went and saw my Mom for awhile. Came home and took the recycling, trash, and things to the goodwill box. I made the girls get rid of some of there stuff animals, they had so many. Alyssa was fine with it, she knows that it will go to some other boy or girl that could use them. Chastity didn't really seem to care as long as her babies got to stay.

Feedback ....Please

Ali and Kimberly had talked about many times the idea of a bracelet for Neuroendocrine Cancer Research. What frustrated her was that there are all these colors flying around for different kinds of cancers and diseases but nothing specific for her type of cancer. She had to pick the general color that represented all the other types of cancer. Kimberly has done some research and she found a company to make some custom silicone wrist bands as a memorial for Ali and also a fundraiser to continue on with what she had started. It's so crazy that I had this talk with Kimberly the other day because I had always had this thought that we should have some kind of bracelet for Alison (when we first found out) but never got any made. I will be working along with Kimberly and hopefully many other people to get this ball rolling. So what do we need from you? Well, Alison said that she likes blue. Well more like a teal-blue. So we are going to include some colors and we want you to vote on which color we should go with. We are limited to 25 characters so I also need like some suggestions as to what words/letters/characters to put on the bracelets. Post a phrase, bible verse, something Alison would like or that we all can remember her by. Remember 25 characters! We will then do a poll. So please send us your feedback. Also, let us know if you are interested in buying one. We have also talk about selling them at some store in S.C. and also at some stores here in IN. I'm not really for sure where at yet here but if any of you know anyone that would like to help with this cause please let me know too. We will probably set this up via PayPal and ship it out via USPS. So please post a comment and help us out. Please click on the following link http://24hourwristbands.com/pages/wristbands-stock-colors.php and look at the Light Blue wristband and the Teal wristband. After you are done please participate in the poll.

I also have to add the phase from the day

Alyssa was asking me for a cookie. I was in the middle of making my list for things to get at Wal-Mart and ask her to wait until I was done. She then answer me with "Mom give me a cookie or I'm going to call the police on you" It just put the biggest smile on my face. It's so funny how these little girls come up with these funny things.

Then on our way home from Wal-Mart, I only had Chastity with me. I turn around to see Chastity with her arms out of her straps to her car seat and she is leaning over and unbuckling the seat bleat. I couldn't believe it so then I pick up my phone to call Chad to tell him what she did and she started yelling "no phone don't call Daddy". I was glad that we were on the road that we live on and not on 15 when this happened.

Thank you GOD for giving me these two little girls because it's easier to live on.

October 2007

This is some of Alison, Katy, and I favorite pictures. We had a bond fire after Alyssa's 3rd birthday party. I think that she looks so happy and not in pain. I'm so glad that they made the trip home from S.C. for the girls birthday parties.

Pic's of Alison

This is something that I put together. It's tons of pic's of Alison. If you click on it then it will make it bigger. I have been trying to get all my pictures together of Alison and put in one folder. It's taken awhile but I have it almost done. I know there's more out there, if you have any and would like to send then please email me. Renem2103@gmail.com.

Hard Day

Yesterday we had uncle Larry's viewing. When we arrived people were standing outside and there was a line to the road. If we would of had to stand in line the wait would of been an hour and forty minutes. The total people in attends for the viewing was 1500 people. He was a very important man, father, grandpa, and uncle. When I walk into the church the smell of all the flowers and plants brought back all the thoughts that I had the day I had to walk in to the funeral home for ALISON'S viewing. It's a smell that I don't think will ever go away.
Today was the funeral uncle Larry and family are Catholic so the funeral was a little different then what Chad and I have been too. I knew that today was going to be hard. My heart still hasn't gotten over ALISON. I did well until some of the grandchildren got up and spoke. They recited poems and told old stories. And then once they took the casket out, knowing that his family all felt the same way I did that day that this is (was for me) the last time they would see him. I know that once you go to Heaven that it's not the end. But in my heart it feels that it is the end, the end for ALISON and I. It has been two weeks today but it feels like months. I miss talking to her, seeing her, just being with her. I know that I will have my bad days and my good days. This is one of my bad days.