2 months

Time in the first few days went by fast but now time has slowed down. I have been trying to keeping myself busy I dislike the fact that my head is like a candler and every time Tuesday comes around I know that it has been one more week. One more week without her, one more week that Alison has miss out on things that we have been doing. It's hard to not be selfish at times, but I know that she is also in a better place. That she where she needed to be. She was needed more in Heaven then here on Earth. I say those things but I still wish that she was here with me. I still want to pick up the phone and call her when things happen and I know that she would love to hear about it. I haven't spoke to Tom in awhile, not that I don't want to but it's hard. Every time I think about calling him I get tears in my eyes and my throat gets that lump in it. We have spoke through email but it's not the same. I had felt that we had gotten really close but now I know that I have put up some of a little wall between us. The girls really miss him and still ask about him and Ali. They haven't forgot them, I was afraid that they might stop asking questions about both of them. But then I will hear one of them say "Auntie Ali in Heaven with the angels." Or "Mommy Tom Thumb is my uncle and I love him." I'm glad that they both get that they can talk to her. And Alyssa has always told me from the day that Ali past that she can see her up in the sky. I really wonder if she really can? I won't let them forget about Ali and Tom. And I know that there will be a time when it won't hurt so bad to talk to Tom or to see him. No matter what he's still the girls uncle and my brother-in-law. We love you Tom and Ali and are always thinking about you.

Hanging out with the kiddies

We went and had dinner at the park Friday night. I took Laramie, Serena, Noah, Olivia, Alyssa, and Chastity. It was nice to have the girls running around and playing with all of them. We always seem to have so much fun together. And I knew that the third row would come in handy at some point in time and it did. Of course the kids just thought it was cool that we still had a third row. And Laramie is getting older now to where she wants to "back her booty up" aka "dance". I love the relationship that I have made with all of them. Alyssa and Chastity seem to adore them in their own little way also.
The little wind mills are Olivia and Laramie's that they made at school. Goshen Middle School has them displayed outside to show that they have World Peace.

Alyssa singing

Here is a song that Alyssa learned in school. Chad and I didn't even know about it until she sang it for Na-Na (Chad's mom) on Tuesday when she had her. So then she finally sang it for us. She will sing it for anyone now. It's so funny because she has done it so many times that now Chastity can sing it just not as fast as Alyssa. This is what Alyssa does she will tell anyone and everyone about school but if Chad and I ask she'll say I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm so glad that they send a news letter home every week. She also has learned a prayer that we say at every meal now. I'll get that on video next.

Hello Fall

Yesterday was one of Alison's favorite day. She would get all her things out, light candles, and drink some cinder. The picture that I have of her goes even better now because it goes with all of the decorations. I can still see Tom and Alison's house in my head when I went in October 2006. It smelled so good, it look so cute with all her fall decorations out. I know that life has been hard but I have found ways to help me get through this. The pain will never go away, thoughts of her still run through my head, and I know that she is watching over me. I still have my good days and my bad days but I also know that she would want me to stay strong, and be strong. I love and miss you Alison.

It's our anniversary

Happy Anniversary
Today is five years that you and I have been together. You are a wonderful man, great father, and my best friend. I am so glad that we meet back in high school our senior year. And who would ever know then that we would end up together and have a family. I can still remember the first time we hung out, first time we talk on the phone, our first kiss, our first dance, our first place together, telling you that we were going to have a baby, asking me to marry you, and all the things that you have done and do for me. It's more then I could ever want and need. Giving me your love, support, our daughter's, trust, and most of all you being you. Thank you for these past five years I can't wait to spend the next five years with you.
I love you.

PARTY

Happy 30th Birthday Heather

You are a great sister, friend, and mother.

I'm so glad that I have you in my life.

I love you with all my heart.

Thanks for always being there for me.

Here's a few picture's from Heather's party. It was a blast, lets just say I haven't drank that much in a very long time. We also played "flippy cup" boys against girls and we kick their butts. Thanks again for such a great party Micheal.

It was so nice for Chad and I to have a night and day to ourselfs.

Then on the way home we stop and got a pizza and had lunch at the park.

Dinner with friends

We had a family night and went out to dinner with my girl friend Angie and her family. The girl always have such a great time together and gives us all time to have adult talk. We had dinner at the Back yard BBQ, it was really good food and the girl got ice cream with their dinner which is always a nice treat. Angie is having another baby girl, she is due October 30th by C- section. I can't wait for her to have this baby and I know that she can't wait. I had to add one of the her and her cute little belly. Hope that you enjoyed the pictures.

Allergy Test

We had to take Alyssa to the Allergy doctor yesterday. She has been dealing with skin issues ever since she was a year old. She gets these bumps all over with a little black head in the middle of them and they itch and even if she doesn't have them she itches all the time. We have been going to a dermatologist and haven't really got anywhere. He said that she had eczema but the only way to really determine what she has was to do a biopsy and it still might not tell us what she has. Okay I'm not putting my little girl through that. My sister Heather has had them done and she says it hurts BAD. Has you can tell by the pictures she did fine. After they did the allergy test you have to wait 20 minute's, so during that wait she feel asleep. So we found out the she is allergy to dust, dust mites really bad they tested her for 16 things so at least it's only one thing but one of the hardest things. It can also make her have asthma later on in life. She already has this thing were she clears her throat all the time and that is one of the first signs. So she is taking a nasal decongestant twice a day. And also keflex for when she breaks out in her bumps so they don't get a infection. Last time she broke out some of them left scares. I have been cleaning all day and washing all that I can. There are a lot of steps that you can do to help control it, but you can never get all the dust gone. I also asked about Chastity could also have this and he said yes but she has no skin issues, so here soon we will be taking her to get tested just to be sure.

Field trip

Alyssa had her first field trip with school yesterday. It was also with the Pre-K class so there were about 30 kids plus parents. We all meet at school and did then headed to Albion to the Black Pine Animal Park. They don't have a bus so we all drove and car pooled over, there was a hug line of cars. It was a lot of fun, most of the animals have been in the circus or were as pets and were not being taken care of the right way. So they were donated to the park. You can get pretty close to the animals and you have a guide so she can answer any of your questions. Some of the animals we couldn't see because of the weather and they already had them inside. At the end of the tour we got to feed the Ostrich's, Dwarf Horse, Llamas, Goats, and others. This was one of Alyssa's favorite parts she went and feed them all three times. She even held her hand out and feed the Ostrich's, which was a pretty big one. I didn't even want to feed him but she was all about it. After the tour then we had lunch at the park with everyone, and then headed home. Alyssa had a great time and talk about it the whole way home. She couldn't wait till Chad got home to tell him all about it. This is a great place to go, look it up on the Internet and check it out.

Elliot's Baptism

We went down to my sister Heather's house this weekend for Elliot's Baptism. It was really nice to get together as a family again. Elliot has gotten so big she will be a year in no time. The girls play with Elliot so well now that she is a little older. Heather and I went and did some shopping together also. Mom kept the girls for us, it's so nice to be able to shop without the girls. My sister Kim and family also came to the Baptism on Sunday. I love that I'm so close with my sister's, their more then sister's their my best friends. We had to take tons of pictures, so hope that you enjoy them.

Remember

Remember those today that lost their life's on September 11th 2001. Either in the planes, twin towers, police officer, fire man, fire women or volunteer. I know that I'm not the only person in the world that has lost a sister, best friend, and a hero. People die everyday but until it's one of your loves ones I don't think that you totally get the hurt and the pain. This is a day that made our country change, change for the best. Not that things are the best in our country but we do live in a free country. So please give thanks to those that lost their life on September 11th. And pray for their family.
I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Happy Birthday Chad

Last night Chad's mom and niece Olivia came down. Chad had ask me what we were doing for dinner and I had told him that his mom was coming down. Little did he know that she had made him pan full of her home made Lasagna and her home made Texas Sheet Cake. Which are both of his favorite. This Lasagna that she makes is the bomb. It takes her three hours just to make the sauce. So once she got here with dinner he was so happy and very huger.

On another note, we got a new TRUCK...... Goodbye gas hog. It's a Toyota Highlander and it will get more then 7 miles to the gallon unlike the Suburban. I love it, it's smaller then the Suburban but it still has the third row. Which will be great when we have all the niece and nephews. Today is Chad's real birthday. I'm taking him out dinner, just him and I. I can't wait to have some quiet time together. I also add what we made for him for his birthday. I took letter's of words and spelled out WE LOVE YOU.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAD !!!!!

Chad's Birthday week

Landen, Chas, Tyler, and Sophia
Ross, Jen, Chas, and Alexis
Chas riding the four wheeler.
All the kids in the Rhino
Alyssa sitting in the back.

Micah and Katy playing corn hole.
Landen playing in sand.
Chas and Brenden.
Chad and I.
Tyler, Sophia, Alyssa, and Alexis

Yesterday we have a cook-out/birthday party for Chad at Katy and Micah's house. When it's Chads' birthday we celebrate it all week. It's something that I have always done for him. He's actually birthday is on Tuesday. It turned out to be a great day, we thought at first with the weather it wasn't going to be but it was fine. All the kids had a blast playing with balloons, playing in the sand, riding the four wheeler, riding in the rhino, and driving the go cart. Even the adults had fun with all the toys too. We also had to play some corn hole, watch football, and the race. Hope that you enjoyed all the pictures.

No more pull ups

Some of you know that we had both of our girls potty trained by 15 months. They wore pulls up nappy time, bed time, put wore panties during the day. And they still wet some but could go potty on the potty chair when awake. Alyssa became potty trained at bed time and nappy time by 2 1/2 years old. It was funny because when we first started training Alyssa she wanted Chad to do it not me. So when he would come home from work he would sit in the bathroom with her for hours. Once she got it down then I could help her. Chastity was also the same way. I think that they just wanted their one on one time with him and that's how they got it. I also think that it helped since I was a stay at home mom. Chastity for the past few days had been taking her pull up off at nappy time and bed time and putting her pants back on. So when I would go in and check on her I would have to put it back on. For the past two days and nights we haven't put a pull up on her. And she has woke up DRY!!!!! We have no more babies, we have two big girls. I'm so proud of her, I guess all the hard work of getting them sitting on the potty chair by 12 months really paid off.

Day 3 at preschool, dancing, and football

Thursday was Alyssa 2nd full day of school. I thought that she was going to be fine, but I was wrong. I wanted to get some more picture's so Chastity and I took her. She was fine until I told her that it was time for us to leave. She didn't want me to go and she wouldn't let go of me. Finally I asked her if she wanted her Teddy bear that was out in the truck she said "yes". So I went and got that but she starting crying when I left. She was upset that she couldn't go out to the truck with me. I could hear her crying all the way up the stairs. When I came back and gave Mrs. Haab her bear she was still crying. I left with her crying which I was fine with it, she needs to go to school and be with other kids her age. She was fine when I pick her up from school. She stop crying soon after I left and had a great day at school. She came home with her first art work and a news letter with how they spent the week. We have talk and she said that she wants to go back and she wont cry anymore. Will see how Tuesday goes. Thanks again Kimberly and Family for the back-pack. We have got so many comments on it. I love it because it's so different from all the other kids. Chastity loves taking Alyssa to school and she doesn't want to leave. It's so funny because when we get in the truck to leave she always says " I miss Lissa". It hasn't even been five minute's your fine, and then she gives me the little sad look.

Last night we spent the evening with Katy, Micha, and Landen. Went to their house for dinner, beer, and football. It was nice getting out of the house and letting the kids all play together. As you can tell from the video that I have added of them dancing. There getting all the practice they can for the wedding. Katy and I talk and got more ideas for her wedding. Were trying to be crafty as we can be and have found it's hard with out having Alison. She was "our" Martha Stewart.

4 weeks

I add a pictue of some of things that we took for this long weekend. Chad didn't have to work on Friday so are weekend started Thursday night. We had 3 BBQ'S, and even got to have a "date night" on Friday night. Things have been hard but I still have to be strong and live my life for my family.

It has been four weeks today that I lost my sister, my best friend, my hero. I never really knew that I could hurt so much. I have been dealing with a lot more break downs then I was at first. It seems that it's getting harder as the days go on. I find myself at times putting on a fake smile or telling someone that I'm okay when really I'm not. I have to wonder will I ever feel the same way that I used to feel? But I have to do, I have two little girls that look up to me. I find myself thinking a lot about how it was so easy to be little and have no worries. I look at my little ones and hope that they will have the relationship that I do with my sister's and did with Alison. I know that I will never forget the day that Ali left us to be with our maker. I play that day and the days that lead up to it all over and over in my head. I still have not wore the clothes that I had wore that day. I saw Tom for the first time on Sunday. I had a lot of mixed emotion's all at one time. It was great, hard, sad, and I was happy all at one time. Don't get me wrong Tom I want to see you and be with you it's just HARD. And I have to wonder is it the same for you too? We have a lot going on in these next few months to keep me busy and my mind in better thoughts. But I also know that these next few months were some of Ali's favorite months. Nothing is easy about living life without her. When I wake in the morning's, I'm not even awake for 5 to 10 minute's and I think of her. I'm so thankful that I have two other sister's that I'm so close with. And can't wait to be able to spend these next few months with them.

I have to share something that happened. Thursday night I took the girls to the park and we had dinner there. As we were eating Alyssa was very into watching the birds fly around and play. And she said the most amazing thing to me. "Mommy I wish that I had wings so that I could fly up and see Auntie Ali." I held back the tears and said "Alyssa I'm sure that Auntie Ali feels the same way too."