Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Time in the first few days went by fast but now time has slowed down. I have been trying to keeping myself busy I dislike the fact that my head is like a candler and every time Tuesday comes around I know that it has been one more week. One more week without her, one more week that Alison has miss out on things that we have been doing. It's hard to not be selfish at times, but I know that she is also in a better place. That she where she needed to be. She was needed more in Heaven then here on Earth. I say those things but I still wish that she was here with me. I still want to pick up the phone and call her when things happen and I know that she would love to hear about it. I haven't spoke to Tom in awhile, not that I don't want to but it's hard. Every time I think about calling him I get tears in my eyes and my throat gets that lump in it. We have spoke through email but it's not the same. I had felt that we had gotten really close but now I know that I have put up some of a little wall between us. The girls really miss him and still ask about him and Ali. They haven't forgot them, I was afraid that they might stop asking questions about both of them. But then I will hear one of them say "Auntie Ali in Heaven with the angels." Or "Mommy Tom Thumb is my uncle and I love him." I'm glad that they both get that they can talk to her. And Alyssa has always told me from the day that Ali past that she can see her up in the sky. I really wonder if she really can? I won't let them forget about Ali and Tom. And I know that there will be a time when it won't hurt so bad to talk to Tom or to see him. No matter what he's still the girls uncle and my brother-in-law. We love you Tom and Ali and are always thinking about you.